I came to Rosen Method in 2006, with shoulders up to my ears and pretty much disconnected from my feelings. Whilst I had an awareness that I was somehow “closed-down”, I had no idea the impact that this was having on me. My head had ruled and protected me since my teenage years; it was fantastically adept at warding off interventions that threatened my “logical” existence. Feelings were unsafe. At the same time, I knew I was somehow starving; missing an essential connection with people and with life. The first time I experienced Rosen touch, I knew that this was a way I could be reached.
There were very few practitioners at that time, so much of my Rosen growth has taken place on Intensive courses. I had a sense from very early on, that I wanted to become a practitioner, so I never minded swapping sessions on courses, but I did wonder why those attending purely for their own growth practised giving sessions. This became clear for me a few months ago, looking back at my own journey when writing a personal statement for my practitioner qualification. I realised that for me, receiving sessions taught me to connect with myself, to feel and listen to my feelings, to trust others, to let them in, to allow myself to feel in their presence. Learning to touch others taught me to reach out, to initiate connection, to really hear someone, to hold a space for them, to notice what’s happening for them.
This process was not quick. What I can say is that each stage of the journey was gift in itself, which left me excited about what else was possible. I remember being horrified, but also excited when it was pointed out to me on an intensive course, that when I put my hands on someone, I pulled away at the same time. I immediately knew it was true. By seeing what I was doing, I could see a way forward; I could actively work on tolerating being with someone (and it really was “tolerating”, at the beginning). I moved through many types of avoidance (boredom, tiredness, overwhelm), before I learnt how not to pull away with my hands or with myself; before intimacy started to feel comfortable and then safe, before I grew to love the calm place that being present brought me to.
My Rosen journey hasn’t been plain sailing. For a long time, I felt I’d left a tiny, lonely, but safe island, and was bobbing around in the sea, trying to reach the mainland. I never questioned carrying on; I learnt to ask for and accept support from those close to me (including others on the Rosen path), and kept going. I learnt to pace myself, to look after my own needs; to know when to nudge forwards and when to rest (sometimes by getting it wrong and learning what that felt like). I can see now, that I had to let go of what felt familiar and safe, in order to find and embrace new ways of being.
As a recently qualified practitioner, I’m still learning and growing (exponentially, it feels). At the moment, I seem to be reconnecting with a playfulness and creativity I thought had disappeared with childhood. I love that I will never end this journey. I love the life that I am now moulding for myself. I love that I can share this life-changing work with others. Most of all, I love that I can now really experience love; not as a concept, but as a full-blown feeling. I feel so grateful to have Rosen Method in my life, and to all those who have made that possible.